Valentine's Day

I'm always amazed at how quickly all things Valentine related hit the shelf. We're barely done singing Christmas Carols and watching the ball drop for New Years. I'm even more amazed at the stuff I read on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

You've got women demanding gifts or threatening to withhold sex and or break up with their man. You've got men who like and or dating women seriously, taking a hiatus, to avoid Valentine's Day all together. Now, I have not been in a committed relationship in years but even then, I did not get the overwhelming hoopla about the day. *shrug* I've had roses, candy, dinner and promises of a special night (yawns) before. So, maybe I'm a tad bit jaded, but we JUST had Christmas!! I'm not judging, but you want a couple of hundred dollars worth of stuff to prove he loves you? And let's be completely honest here, Valentine's Day is not a man's holiday. Might be some extra "loving" that day, depending on what he gets her, but it was never designed with guys getting gifts in mind.

Talking to my guy friends, they don't like Valentine's Day for a couple of reasons. One, if you're dating and it's new, how do you determine how much is too much to get for her? You get something too thoughtful and expensive and she's ready to text all her friends about marriage! Two, if you are indeed dating, 9 times out of 10, you are already footing the bill for your dates because "hopefully" you're being chivalrous and courting her like a true gentlemen. (LET'S BE CLEAR, IN NO SHAPE OR FORM DID I SAY "HE" HAS TO ALWAYS PAY. A LOT OF Y'ALL CLAIM TO BE INDEPENDENT, SO FOOT THE BILL SOMETIMES. LET HIM KNOW HE'S APPRECIATED) Any hoo, another complaint is women seem ungrateful. So busy competing trying to "flex on instagram" and compete with the Joneses, she minimizes the gift(s). Isn't it the thought that counts? (Hopefully, he did put thought into it)

On the flip side, some women have never been romanced or given valuable tools about love, adoration and appreciation from their father's and other significant male influences while growing up or while dating. So, they're taking past hopes and disappointments and placing them all on their mates shoulders, metaphorically and are not communicating with their mate. If in fact, Valentine's Day is über important to you and you have certain expectations... relay that to him. I'm not saying be tacky and tape ads of what you want to his wallet, but be clear and honest. Isn't half the romance in seeing how well he knows you?

Now let me backtrack for a moment, if you are indeed one of those guys that tries not to give a gift because you're cheap or emotionally retarded... GROW UP! Or have a seat and move out of the way for a man who is willing to care for that woman, the way she deserves... granted she deserves it. And with that said what are you getting your guy? SEX? <--- I personally find that ridiculous, most men find it hard to stay focused on one vagina as it is, but then you ration it a month or two before so it will be special on Valentine's Day? Maybe you're taking it a step further and... Well, that's between y'all. I'm just saying is it fair to expect such lavish gifts and you get him some edible panties to please you? Yeah that's a selfless gift (SARCASM)! Or remind him that you birth his kids and clean his house? He doesn't remind you when he's mowing the lawn, cleaning the gutters, washing the cars, paying the bills and dealing with your split personality 5-7 days out of a month.

As for me, I'll probably make some treats for my parents and nieces. Still single, so I'm not pressed about the holiday. Jewelry, shoes, candy and all of that is nice but I'd rather spend it with someone special. So until then I will probably get some Olive Garden to go and an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. Hell, I might eat the whole thing, judge me... I don't care! That cookie crunch in between that ice cream has to be what manna was like to the Israelites when they were in the wilderness the first couple of days!

Preferences

While chatting one day, my friend started joking about loathing the kind of guy he thinks I like and some other friends chimed in. I was laughing at first but was then offended. I feel like the spectrum of guys I have dated, looks wise, has not been limited to this one specific "prototype." They however begged to differ. So I asked my mom to weigh in and she agreed to an extent. I couldn't tell you where my attraction to guys that are light, bright and damn near white comes from buuuutttt hey, we all have preferences. I at least know that what I need may not come packaged the way I want and looks aren't everything.

Plus, some of you are judging right now but allow Idris Elba, Megan Good, Tatum Channing, Halle Berry, Laz Alonso, Lance Gross and countless others to flash across your television screen and your eyes glaze over with LUST!!!! So don't do me, honey!!

I said all of that to say this, dating is not limited to physical appearance. There's so much more to it and although my friends would love to see me happy and in love, I'm starting to think it may not be in the cards for me at all or within the next couple of years at least. I love that they want to help and encourage but nobody knows or understands me and my desires like I do. I trust them but I trust my intuition more and no, I'm not waiting on a certain type of guy to sweep me off my feet.

When it comes to relationships or friendships turning into them, I'm pretty black and white about it. There just simply is no gray area for me. I won't straddle a fence to appease you and I certainly am not in the business of playing games to keep and or make someone "fall" for me. In my head, dating and  things of the nature are simple but we enter them holding onto bitterness, pain, resentment, motives and countless other issues. Thus complicating the scenario of truly opening up and getting to know one another. You either "click" or you don't.

I think one of my biggest flaws is seeing things black and white. Consistency means the world to me. So when things change and I either don't understand or things simply don't feel right, I tend to back away from the situation, evaluate (which could be interpreted as over analyzing) and I shut down. It's also quite possible that I completely shut you out. Memories and emotional scars of things from the past have taught me to simply stop when it doesn't feel right! Don't get the wrong idea... I am in no way saying "Hey, you are going to pay for what so-n-so did," but I believe it would be foolish of me to not take into consideration prior mistakes made and lessons learned.

Looks are great but if your personality is whack and your heart is ugly, looks won't make up for what you are lacking. If you text messaged and called all the time in the beginning, you can't flip the script and no longer communicate. If you start to get to know someone and they're not what you're looking for, say that, honesty goes a long way. It may hurt their feelings but allowing someone to be on a different page than you may hurt even worse. If you're dating several people, say that. You can't assume someone feels the way you do or can read your mind.

We're all humans. We all make mistakes. We all misjudge people and situations from time to time but that's life. What doesn't kill me, will indeed make me stronger. I might shed some tears, feel like punching someone, pray incessantly or give up sometimes but I always pull through with a lesson of some sort.

So, stop lashing out at people because they have preferences. Life has a way of making you change your mind or giving you a new perspective to adjust your way of thinking and preferences! Our taste are different, not better or wrong... DIFFERENT!