Preferences

While chatting one day, my friend started joking about loathing the kind of guy he thinks I like and some other friends chimed in. I was laughing at first but was then offended. I feel like the spectrum of guys I have dated, looks wise, has not been limited to this one specific "prototype." They however begged to differ. So I asked my mom to weigh in and she agreed to an extent. I couldn't tell you where my attraction to guys that are light, bright and damn near white comes from buuuutttt hey, we all have preferences. I at least know that what I need may not come packaged the way I want and looks aren't everything.

Plus, some of you are judging right now but allow Idris Elba, Megan Good, Tatum Channing, Halle Berry, Laz Alonso, Lance Gross and countless others to flash across your television screen and your eyes glaze over with LUST!!!! So don't do me, honey!!

I said all of that to say this, dating is not limited to physical appearance. There's so much more to it and although my friends would love to see me happy and in love, I'm starting to think it may not be in the cards for me at all or within the next couple of years at least. I love that they want to help and encourage but nobody knows or understands me and my desires like I do. I trust them but I trust my intuition more and no, I'm not waiting on a certain type of guy to sweep me off my feet.

When it comes to relationships or friendships turning into them, I'm pretty black and white about it. There just simply is no gray area for me. I won't straddle a fence to appease you and I certainly am not in the business of playing games to keep and or make someone "fall" for me. In my head, dating and  things of the nature are simple but we enter them holding onto bitterness, pain, resentment, motives and countless other issues. Thus complicating the scenario of truly opening up and getting to know one another. You either "click" or you don't.

I think one of my biggest flaws is seeing things black and white. Consistency means the world to me. So when things change and I either don't understand or things simply don't feel right, I tend to back away from the situation, evaluate (which could be interpreted as over analyzing) and I shut down. It's also quite possible that I completely shut you out. Memories and emotional scars of things from the past have taught me to simply stop when it doesn't feel right! Don't get the wrong idea... I am in no way saying "Hey, you are going to pay for what so-n-so did," but I believe it would be foolish of me to not take into consideration prior mistakes made and lessons learned.

Looks are great but if your personality is whack and your heart is ugly, looks won't make up for what you are lacking. If you text messaged and called all the time in the beginning, you can't flip the script and no longer communicate. If you start to get to know someone and they're not what you're looking for, say that, honesty goes a long way. It may hurt their feelings but allowing someone to be on a different page than you may hurt even worse. If you're dating several people, say that. You can't assume someone feels the way you do or can read your mind.

We're all humans. We all make mistakes. We all misjudge people and situations from time to time but that's life. What doesn't kill me, will indeed make me stronger. I might shed some tears, feel like punching someone, pray incessantly or give up sometimes but I always pull through with a lesson of some sort.

So, stop lashing out at people because they have preferences. Life has a way of making you change your mind or giving you a new perspective to adjust your way of thinking and preferences! Our taste are different, not better or wrong... DIFFERENT!