I'll take life for 300, Alex!!

I'm open to trying new things.. scuba diving, skydiving, snorkeling, parasailing, streaking (well, that's not exactly new just haven't done it in a while). However, I just cannot fathom internet dating. To me the options are like choosing life or death.

I know you're reading this and laughing like, "Keturah, you are so dramatic," and I hear you but listen do y'all remember the Craiglist Killer??? I do. Clearly people who have been dating, friends with, married to and so forth for years are being blatantly lied to everyday. So what do you think some creep behind a computer is concocting? 

People who have been in long-term relationships are being emotionally and physically ripped to shred EVERYDAY. Just so we are clear EVERYDAY includes MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY and SATURDAY!!!! People announcing that they are gay after 20 years of marriage and 5 kids. People deciding they want something new and exciting, faking their death and those that are sick of "YOU" and chop you up into pieces and dispose of the body, or put arsenic in your food or set the house on fire with you in it.... As you can see, I could go on for days!!!!

Again, you are sarcastically reading this swearing that I am letting my imagination go wild but refer to Snapped, I survived, Law & Order (ALL OF THE VARIOUS SPIN-OFFS), CSI and all of the news specials that come on E True Hollywood, 20/20, dateline and so forth. Are you still laughing and thinking I'm being over the top? Where do you think they got these stories from? Nobody's imagination is that great... they are based on true stories. 

I said all of that to say this, I can't sit behind a computer and try to find love like it's a full-time job. Trying to manage a profile, sifting through images, likes and whatever else you have to do. Nor am I about to have my mother yelling and crying in the graveyard like Mylin when Sheby died because I got intertwined with the modern day Jack the Ripper, donkey punched in the back of the head and drug to my end. Nope!

 

On top of that some of these sites want you to pay. (Blink Blink) TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY AMERICAN DOLLARS a year to find love? Do you know what I can do with $250? I'll tell you!

• Get a pedicure
• Throw an old school style party
• Tithe
• Buy shoes
• Get more shoes
• Did I say shoes?
• Clothes
• Accessories
• Do a project off of Pinterest
• Take my brother's and friend's kids somewhere
• Take a small getaway
• Food and LOTS of it

But $250 for dating... NAW! In fact HELL TO THE NAW!

 

To each his own, y'all can have that! In my best Jeopardy contestant voice, "I'll take LIFE for $300, Alex."

Mean Girl Syndrome

As some of you know, I attended and graduated from the University of Kentucky and this weekend was HOMECOMING!!!!! To say I had fun was an understatement but enlightening as well, which is hard to fathom with copious amounts of liquor paired with the absolute minimal amounts of sleep that were incorporated but I learned quite a bit.

I often hear people say "smile" when they see me. I consciously am not trying to scowl, frown or look indifferent but just have so much on my mind. At any given moment I could be thinking about make up, my nieces and nephews, shoes, religion, family, nail polish, traveling, birth, funny moments from the past, my future and so much more. I promise I don't mean to come off as a "bitch" and intimidate anyone, truly not my intentions at all.

<most see this 

                   instead of this >

To know me is to know for the most part I am goofy, outlandish, very skeptical and outspoken but if you don't get past the initial "Hi, I'm Keturah. People call me Tu. Nice to meet you. Yada, yada, yada," you wouldn't exactly know that. A friend suggested that I have a great demeanor and personality but my body language suggest that I don't want to be bothered, don't speak to me or stay away. <--- ouch, no one has ever put it that way.

Fast Forward a couple of hours later and I show up for my cousin's birthday party. Upon arriving I know everyone but 2 people. Those 2 people remain quiet, while I address everyone else and immediately begin joking with everyone. As we sit down for dinner, I tell my friends about the body language and they immediately all agree. <--- ouch again but sometimes the truth hurts. The guy across from me tells me he was a little nervous to speak to me. My attitude when I walked in read "I'm the shit and I know it, don't bother me." <--- Geesh, salt in the wound!

I can't pinpoint when exactly I started to give off that type of attitude. I do know that around people I do not know and walking into situations that feel unknown, I become shy. I have relayed that to people and they all crack up laughing like I said something funny. (BLANK STARE) I think somewhere along the lines, my being confident crossed the lines of coming off as a mean girl. I won't sit here and bs y'all though, I certainly do have a mean streak. It takes A LOT to take me there and verbally slice you to shreds but I'm not always exhibiting that part of me (well at least I didn't think I was).

Contrary to popular beliefs, I do get shy people and sometimes I feel like being quiet. I'm not always on 10 and I'm not your personal entertainment. If I could punch people every time they said "do blah blah blah. Impersonate so-n-so. Do that dance" I would.

Never too old to grow and learn.....

So, I guess I will try to live more in the present instead of allowing my thoughts to catapult me into the future what ifs and be more friendly and open. Don't misinterpret, SHE (yes, the third person) is still fabulous, smart aleck, animated and hilarious but if I'm not open and cordial upon first meeting people how will they know.

Complacency

The sermon from Wednesday is still on my mind and this is what I took from it. ---------------->

Sometimes no action yields the biggest reaction. When you move past your complacency it threatens the roles/positions of others who have tried to hold you down or have become used to looking down on you! Be careful how you treat people, you never know how God will turn their situation around. You may just need them one day!

Before that I had only thought of complacency as a personal problem. Not how it affects others around you. I also only thought of it as the person being lazy. Turns out some are stuck where they are because they won't deal with the problems plaguing them out of fear and some are discouraged. While, some don't have enough faith in themselves or God to move them past where they feel stranded or won't move because they want to know the exact process or dictate it. 

I find it amazing how we stay in jobs, friendships, relationships and anything else you can name that stifles us or no longer feels right/fitting because we're scared. It use to baffle me that people would become irritated or vengeful when you decide to change, better yourself or try something new but now I now understand that the fear you have to do better doesn't scare you but others as well. 

Here are some examples:

When you don't agree with them, they tell you don't know what you're talking about or are inexperienced to have an opinion. 

They are never wrong.

When you decide to make amends with people/situations where you were wrong or wronged others they tell you you're living in the past and or being a "punk."

When you decide to try something new, you are not good enough or strong enough. 

No matter how others may react to you, the choice to change lies with you. They will either remain in your life and maybe even take your cue to do better or will walk out of your life. As T.D. Jakes says, "Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left." (Video is posted on the bottom).

Recently, I've been making changes for me and have seen how the demeanor in regards to me, has changed. Some positive and encouraging, while others have been attitudinal and negative. I can't worry or allow that to downtrodden me. I can only pray for them and keep it moving. Sometimes you have to know how to love people from a distance. What is meant to be, will be. As I have come to realize, no matter how deep the rift or how long the amount of time has passed since the disagreement has happened, if someone is meant to be in your life... they will be eventually!

It's never too late to try and change  certain things in your life but some of us are too old to endure some of the same vicious cycles we engulf ourselves in but you have to be willing to admit that a change needs to take place. 

What has been nagging you in the back of your mind? Why have you chosen to remain complacent? 

Stunting Growth

After I took a nap today, I was flicking through the television and came across Tyler Perry's The family that preys. To me it is one of his best movies, contains the less amount of coonery and predictable story lines. Although, I LOATHE that wig he has on!!!! One of my favorite scenes is when Chris finds out about his wife's affair and slaps her (not condoning the domestic violence but she was WRONG). In the aftermath of their argument, her mother (played by Alfre Woodard) tells her "You can't make yourself happy by bringing misery to other people."

The backstory to that is that she was mad about her Dad leaving and blamed her mom, so she was all about self and trying to live a grand lifestyle at anyone's expense. One thing I also noticed about her was that she felt invincible. Sad that she would hold onto her parents divorce for 30 years but not notice what she was doing to everyone else that was in her life and was trying to love her.

Why is it in life, some people are hellbent on bringing misery to others? Why can't we grasp the concept that vengeance belongs to the Lord? Why do we harbor such resentment when people don't act the way we want them to or threaten to tell secrets/lies and whatever else to whoever will listen when the noble thing to do is just part ways. Why can't we let people go? I myself have been guilty of it.

I am a firm believer that every person that enters our life comes for a purpose and they are only meant to stay for season or a lifetime. Simply put REASON, SEASON or LIFETIME!!! Some of these people will exit at some point and return but how will the reception be on their end if you've been out trying to bring them down in their absence. 

Nothing is more true that God having a sense of humor!! "Wanna make God laugh tell him your plans." <---- Something I hear older people say and it's the truth. Nobody has a perfect family or perfect friends. Most of the things we have learned have come form accidents and mistakes. With so much beauty in the world why focus on the bad times and the pain?

For some, I think they are scared to move past misery because they have let it define them.

Some don't know their worth and or don't know who they are.

Others believe the nonsense they tell themselves and others.

Some think they know it all and how they feel and think is law or a fact. 

Some can only focus on how they feel. 

Change is inevitable! Sometimes it comes because you force people out of your life and some opportunities vanish. Sometimes you just outgrow the situation or relationship. No matter how it happens we have to learn to let go and move forward. Advice my dad gave me is "when you hold onto someone who isn't thinking about you or something that isn't for you, you block allowing better people and things to come into your life. As your parents we can pray for you but if your fist is closed, how can God put something else in your grasp?"

What are you holding on or trying to make work that should be let go? And, why are you trying so hard not to embrace change?

Day 30 of 30: Who am I?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE 30 DAYS!!! Excited that I stuck with it and appreciative that it forced me to think about and in some ways deal with some subjects, explore some thoughts and ponder relationships in my life.

Back to the question...

I could easily say I am:

• a child of God
• a daughter
• a sister
• a niece
• an aunt
• a friend
• a goofball
• a creative person
• lover of food and fashion

but...... I don't think any one of those things gives an accurate description of me because I am all of those things! More than anything, I am evolving, growing and changing everyday. Some days I am a ball of positivity and other days I am feisty and mean and some days I am downright confused but above all of these things I am happy with the woman I am becoming!

I have decided that I will keep blogging, won't be everyday but I will shoot for 2-3 times a week. I appreciate the support and love I have received while doing this. It means a lot! Buckle your seatbelt though, without a format... who knows what I will blog about!!! Lol!

Day 29 of 30: Who would you invite to the perfect dinner party? (Dead, living, historical, famous, not famous...)

This is going to take a huge table!!! There will probably be so many conversations going on at one, it will be crazy!!! Here's my list:

Me... duh!!
My parents
My Godparents
My paternal grandmother
Jesus
Tupac (rapper)
Aaliyah (singer)
Dame Dash (I know you're judging but I think his life fell apart when Aaliyah died)
Martin (comedian)
50 Cent (rapper)
Oprah and Gail
Steve Harvey (comedian)
Prince (falls out screaming, I love him)
Bernie Mac (comedian)
My Aunt Dena
My Uncle Henry
Hell, all of my aunts and uncles
My cousin Mike Richardson, he has the best commentary
Laz Alonzo (actor)
Lil Duval (comedian)
Richard Pryor (comedian)
Rev. Cosby (my pastor)
Iyanla Vanzant
Queen Latifah (rapper/actress)
Julia Roberts (actress)
Ashton Kutcher
Rev Run & Justine
Nia Long
Wood Harris
Mr. X (my Black History teacher from high school)
Martin Luther King and Malcolm X (going to show them youtube so they can catch up)
Derek (cousin, I just want to hear him sing one more time)
Aunt Marsha
Damon (cousin)
Kunta (Big Bro)
Vinny & Pauly from the Jersey Shore (I can feel you judging again)
Marvin Gaye (Singer)
Kevin Hart (comedian)
Terrance J (actor and I feel you judging again. He's corny but I like it)
Will Demps (Football player, main reason is he likes the movie Glitter)
Will Smith

I'm sure I could add more people but I actually want to have some stimulating conversations and debates, not just gawk at some of the fineness I invited or have people just acting a complete fool.

Day 28: If you died tomorrow, what’s one thing you’d regret not doing?

That's easy.... Becoming a wife and mother! God made me a woman for a reason. Not to say that every woman that is born and has lived should have been a mother or wife. Some people just aren't cut out for that task, just like going to college.

To a certain extent, our society spoon feeds this notion about a whirlwind romance and a fairytale wedding and perfect little baby or two, in a house with a picket fence. So, yes, that plays a part but more so than anything my biological clock is ticking... loudly! Could I go have a baby and just hope Mr. Right would come along and sweep me and the kid off of our feet like "Maid in Manhattan," sure, but the reality is, if the person I decide to lay down with, is not worthy to spend my forever with, why have a baby?

As much as what you see on tv refutes traditional values and will have you believing that you are crazy for having standards, praying and waiting to do it the right way (so people say), I just can't do it any other way. I'd be fooling myself to think I am really going to get artificially inseminated, like I said in a previous blog. I wanna meet a man and become great friends. Fall in and truly grow in love. To be overjoyed and overwhelmed to know we created something greater than both of us.

Only way I can explain it is, I could have 5 degrees, a closet full of clothes and shoes, a beautiful house decked out in ideas by (you guessed it) Pinterest, a nice car, banging hair and body but if I was to leave this earth and get to the pearly gates knowing I never became a wife or mother... I WILL HAVE A FULL BREAKDOWN. I'm talking crying, snotting, incoherent babbling, needing a sedative and someone to pick me up from the floor type of breakdown.

It probably sound selfish to some, who will offer that I mentor some youth (not the same). Adopt (could see myself consider that). 30 is the new 40 (Jay Z should be slapped for this foolery!!! I don't want to be 40+ pushing out no baby, mannnnnnn) Stop thinking about it and it will come (blank stare) and maybe it's just not in the cards for you (debates throwing that breakdown now).

I wanna know what it's like to experience my body changing to develop another life, that I helped create. I wanna know what it's like to feel the baby kick, have hiccups and just move around in general. I want to know what it's like to be overcome with love and joy at first sight. I want to know what labor and delivery are like (I might regret this one).

~sigh~ Patience... again, God is teaching me patience!

Day 27 of 30: If there was a movie about your life what actors would you cast and who would they play?

Okay, I have totally thought about this before!! My flair for dramatics has me feeling like no one can play me but I saw Fantasia's movie and Natalie King Cole's and I think they should have stuck to singing.

I think I'm going to let everyone play themselves. A good way to put a little change in everyone's pocket but if you get to acting a fool and making outlandish demands, you will be on the quickest greyhound going back to wherever you came from.

The problem I see with this is people trying to rewrite the script and OVER acting, like on Good Times (I strongly dislike that show).

Idk.... Only actor I can decide on is Ice Cube for my brother!

Day 26 of 30: When were the happiest days in your life?

In no particular order:

• My nieces births
• High School graduation
• College Graduation
• Friends'/family member's weddings
• Joining my current church
• As always, family reunions... 3 days of love, laughter, food and foolishness!
• Birth of my Goddaughter 
• Christmas time (I just love this time of the year!)
• Moving into my current apartment... I love this space and decorating it! 
• Take your daughter to work day (You'll see everything possible in a police precinct (Dad) and being as cute as I was, my mothers co-workers stuffed me full of food and candy)

Day 25 of 30: What are the 10 most significant events in your life?

I feel like this is going to turn into a novel...

1. When I was in kindergarten, I was in a classroom that had 2 combined classrooms and 2 teachers, one black female (Ms. Beasley, loved her) and Ms. Griffith (Vomit noise). During the spring of that year, Ms. Beasly was out sick one day. We had been talking about the different make ups of families. So after a short video we were to draw our family. Ms. G passed out boxes of crayons, filled with black and peach ones. Baffled I raised my hand and asked how I was supposed to draw my family, She got in my face and asked what I was, with pride my 6-year-old self said "You say you're White, but you passed out peach crayons. I need a brown one." Pissed, you threatened to snatch my treat and told me to be quiet and draw. Knowing that I wasn't crazy and not giving a damn about ONE stanking ass pretzel, I asked again for a brown crayon. She told me I was disruptive and made me sit by myself. When my mom came she gave this whole embellished story. In true Beverly fashion, she told me to get in the car, shut my mouth and my dad was going to hear about this as soon as we got home. Now, I was confused. What did I do wrong? Was my skin not brown? After dinner and her going on and on and on about me embarrassing her, we had the TALK. She started to go off again and I started crying. My dad interrupted her and asked me what happened. After I told them through sobs, she went into another rage. Why didn't I tell her what happened? She was sorry and she would pack me an extra snack tomorrow, so I wouldn't have to worry about that funky pretzel. The next day, their was a ruckus in the hallway. Involved me darting my eyes back in forth, the principal apologizing, Ms. G trying to explain her method and my mom asking for a transfer. Needless to say, I went to Byck the next year.

2. Advanced placement test, more work and another transfer because Byck was a traditional school. AP to me meant, classrooms where I was either the only Black in the classroom or the only female and again... MORE WORK! It kind of felt like punishment for being smart. Shouldn't the kids who didn't excel as well as us, have more work? That excuse about challenging us because we get bored easily was foolishness!

3. Debutante Ball! A formal introduction of young ladies to society, also known as a "cotillion." SHE, HER, ME was Miss Congeniality... got a lot of flack from "so-called" friends that had they been in it, it would have been them. (Another AH HA moment, why did I stay friends with them?) The practices were hysterical. The night was priceless and I loved being in that dress!!! The aftermath in between the Galt House and Hyatt, all of us partying and acting a fool... priceless as well!

4. When I was 8, I went to a summer camp in Park DuValle. One morning, I was playing hide-n-seek in the main hallway. One of the teachers had just said "no running inside" and we laughed it off. One of the boys, Brett or was his name Brent, called my name. I turned towards the direction his voice came from but was still running. When I turned around

Ran into one the buildings support beams. Another teacher helped me to my room and they decided that my parents should be called. I was in pain. I'm positive my brain did a 360! I just didn't want to miss the Frito Lay field trip. Seeing how I couldn't stand up, lights hurt my eyes and I was vomiting... the emergency room won. Concussion #1. I literally crawled for a week. Everything hurt my head. 

5. Attending the University of Kentucky, I got my degree, but probably should have left with an arrest record! Enough said! I had a great time!!!

6. The birth of all of my nieces. You know how mothers have a hard time becoming grandmothers, I was that way with becoming an aunt. At the tender age of 14, I wasn't ready to be responsible. Bouncing baby #1 came April 15, 1998, #2 August 1, 1999, #3 July 8, 2002 and October 29, 2007!! Jealous or not, baby #1 stole my heart as well as the others! I see a piece of me in all of them! Joy!

7. Rekindling friendships that mean a lot to me and even mending fences of those I had previously only been cordial with. Jean most of all. Glad to see her happily be a wife and mom. Can't wait to do the same things  and share those experiences with her. Didn't realize how much I missed hearing Britt yell "Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" and laughing with her. This has been a huge source of growth!! 

I'll reserve 8, 9 and 10 for later....... Don't think they have happened yet!  

Day 24 of 30: What gives you sincere happiness?

Let me start off by apologizing. Hosted a brunch Saturday that turned into dinner and then a night out with friends. So I wasn't able to post anything but we had a great time!!!

Moving on.... Sincere Happiness!

The goofy and ridiculous moments that you think no one will understand and you realize they do and you can't stop laughing... either of you! Like, the laughter becomes contagious and after a while you don't even remember why you were laughing in the first place, but can't stop!! I live for those moments.

The innocence of children. The way they give love without recourse. The way they play and innocently ask questions about their differences, but could care less about said differences after their question is answered. How the smallest things bring them joy!

Looking out the window on lazy day with the fireplace going and looking at a fresh blanket of snow.

A crisp fall day walking through the St. James Art Fair and the leaves are falling and the colors are changing.

Having movie night with my parents in the basement. Their commentary... hysterical!!!

I know you guys will probably think this wrong but a good trip and maybe even a fall as long as no one is hurt... makes me double over and loose it! Then I have to text Akia and laugh again! We're goofy!

The times you pray and pray and pray for something and God moves and it gives you a sense of peace about whatever you were praying about!

My family reunions, doesn't matter what we're doing, I just love to be around them!

Resting my head on a cool pillow after a long day and wrapping up in my comforters. Love that feeling!