Ok... Where's Ashton? I'm being punked right?!

The topics my friends and I have chose lately have been serious, so we decided to be light and funny today. The topic at hand is "Worst Date Ever" and although I can laugh now, it was NOT funny then! (Hope he never sees this!!!) Out of respect for him, I'll refer to him as "LARRY".

So in 2012, I was working at a bank. There was a gentleman who came in from time to time, to handle the deposits of the store he managed. We both attended UK together, but had never had a conversation. I had heard things about Larry from mutual friends, but nothing too bad. He eventually added me on fb and struck up a conversation. We eventually exchanged numbers and had several text convos. During one about preferences, we bumped heads about him calling the mother of his child a bitch and my not wanting to date a guy with children or someone who excessively drinks/smokes. He apologized for the derogatory word and we continued our conversation. HE decided to meet me in a club on 4th street. Let me put this disclaimer out though: I was hosting a free party I received and he decided that would be a good time for him to come and have our first date. I thought it would be ALL women and had invited my friend to bring her books/products for an impromptu fantasy party.

He arrives first, got me a drink and we're having lite conversation. After a while, my friends trickle in and we move to the back table. The two of us order and receive our food first. He declines to eat until all of the ladies receive their food (kudos) and then sh*t started going down the drain. He then asked about cock rings. Y'all I just about chocked on my food. Noticing my horror, he explains that his doctor suggested he get one. In college he could go all night and now he's got about 2 minutes in him. My friend proceeds to show him products and talk about them, but I have mentally checked out. My friend, Dre text me and ask if it's okay to come by and I tell him "YES," while silently thanking 8 pound baby Jesus, swaddled in a manager.

Dre then shows up and speaks to everyone. I introduce him to "my date" and Larry's disposition immediately changes! We're all laughing, joking and sharing food. About 10 minutes had gone by and I realized Larry had been gone to get his 5th drink way too long. I got to go to the bathroom and when I came out he was standing in a corner behind a door looking like a runaway refugee. He grabs me and hugs me really, really tight and proceeds to tell me he got up because Dre is light skin and he doesn't get along with light skin guys. I removed myself from his embrace and balked at his words. I started to walk away, but turned around. I don't remember the specific words, but I let him know Dre was one of my best friends and he wasn't going away. Deal with it or leave me alone. (Secretly I was hoping for the latter and looking for Ashton Kutcher at this point)

Dinner ended and we decided to move the party to Prime. After the exchange of words in the corridor and him paying his bill before leaving, I was certain that was the last I would hear from him... NOPE!!

He shows up at Prime and offers to buy me a drink. I decline and frown at the fact that he is still drinking and will later drive!! He notices my displeased look and announces that he has to PISS! (Ashton, you can come out now). I proceed to the front  of the club and start having a convo with the party promoter, Danny and my friend Jamise. Larry returns from the bathroom with ANOTHER drink, SMH! He speaks to Jamise (they went to high school together) and then turns his attention to me and begins the following tirade...

"You know what your problem is? You not use to a real n*gga. Yeah. (chuckles and nods while spilling the contents of his drink) Real n*ggas got kids! Real n*ggas drink! Real n*ggas smoke! Real n*ggas get loud. Real n*ggas can do what the f__k they want. Like tonight, Imma stay out til about 5 o'clock in the morning and then get up and go to work. You know why? Cause I'm a real n*gga."

 

With each word he got increasingly louder and animated. Jamise got up to intervene but Danny put his hand on her shoulder to make her sit down. Security moved in between us looking at him, but asking if I was okay. I nodded and Danny scooted me closer towards him and Jamise. I wasn't scared or mad, just shocked. He backed up a few steps, while trying to explain that I was stuck up and needed to be schooled but security instructed him to refrain from talking to me. He finally walked away. One of the guards watched me get in my car and I went home. I called my homegirl to relay the story, we laughed but I was in disbelief still.

 

The next day, he asked me to go out. I almost threw my phone. WHAT?! Are you insane? I politely declined and informed him that his behavior was unacceptable. If I saw him out I would speak but further communication was pointless. He said OK, but 9 hours later he sent me a barrage of text messages about him being a "G" and he couldn't believe I had turned him down. (Blank Stare) I didn't respond.



Looking back, I should have diswayed him from coming to 4th street at all, but in a sense, I am glad it happened in front of other people. It took a whole year before I went on another date.

My guys!

Today's subject is about "best friends," if you've read some of my blogs, you've heard me talk about Ray and Dre. If not refer to my previous post You Say He's Just a Friend. I don't throw the term "Best Friend" around loosely. To me, that term is reserved for my husband, wherever he may be... but these 2 are the closest friends out of all of my friends. I'm not downplaying my relationship with any of my other friends but these two are truly special to me.





Honorable mention to Jimmy--> and Jeff! (smooches) <--- My brothers!!!!

The Mestie

I met Ray when I was 17 at O'malley's hanging out with mutual friends. I wouldn't say we dated but we hung out a couple of times and then lost contact. I would see him over the years and we would say "hi" and keep it moving. Fast forward to September of 2009, there was a discussion of hanging out that night on somebody's status on fb. So a group of us went out to eat and the sexual assault I endured was brought up. I relayed the story and we all discussed and then went to the pie kitchen for dessert. Afterwards, we went to our friend's house to watch movies. She tapped out and we were up until 3 or 4 in the morning catching up, joking and laughing. The thing about Ray was I felt 100% comfortable to be around him and talk to him, not in a dating sense but in a I truly want to know you type of way.

Ray and I at Dre's 30th Birthday Party!

During this time I barely slept. I didn't speak on the subject much as my feelings were concerned but I was crushed and honestly depressed. For about 2 weeks I did nothing but cry. Ray on 2 occasions sat on the phone with me until 6-7am just listening or trying to make me laugh. My trust level for people was at an all-time low. Somewhere in there, I became a bit clingy. Again, it wasn't because I wanted him but because I didn't want to open up to anyone else. He was firm in telling me that he couldn't always be my crutch and I had to find a way to be "Keturah" again. Ray was consistent and funny, I truly believe his timing in re-entering my life was perfect. Ray, may not say much but he always pays attention. I love Ray's relationship with his son and respect him as a father! I'm not sure I ever told him, but just being himself, he helped to restore my trust, thoughts on friendship and stirred me away from having a bitter mentality and I love him for that. Ray, my Mestie (Male Bestie, he hates the term)!

Ray and his son, Keno.

Dre Day

Dre and I met on fb through a status of someone, neither of us associate with anymore. I tend to boss people around and Dre was no exception! In the beginning, I think he went with my bossiness so that he could gauge me. He pound for pound gets me! I'm never misunderstood when it comes to him. He's not afraid to tell me NO. Is a protector and will call out the dude I'm dating if the guys acts anything less than a gentleman. When my world was upside down, he knew right away, by just looking at me. At that moment, he didn't push the issue and ask questions. He hugged me and gave me space. I honestly was so fragile in that moment that I would have probably lost it and broke down. When I was ready to talk, he listened and offered up words straight from his heart and prayed for and with me. 

Dre and at the winery!

With him and (Ray) it's simple! They allow me to be ME! When Dre is sad, I feel his pain. When I get too bossy, he counters me. When I make up a song or sing the wrong words, he's goes right along with me and or produces the beat. When I wanted to put paws on some chicks, he held my stuff! ~* God is not through with me yet!!!! *~ He's the Thomas J to my Vada. The Rob to my Khloe and the Bam Bam to my pebbles! My parents love him like he is their own and I love his family. I can't wait to see him interact with my future husband and I with his wife. 

Dre and I at my 30th Birthday Party! 

Dre & Ray

They are the people I tell everything to. I have showed them all sides of me. The good, bad and ugly and they are still around. They are the people who will tell me when I'm wrong and why. They get all of my jokes! When I am unsure of something, I run it by them. They allow me to annoy the mess out of them and still love me. They have NEVER questioned our relationships/motives and I have never felt a reason to do the same with them. They are surrogate kids to my parents. They challenge me to be better. They'll be in my wedding, if it's stateside and at my wedding if I do a destination wedding (No objections, Ramone). They will be my kid's Uncles and I could go on and on about them. I 89% trust them with my life, lol! We have had some GREAT times over the past couple of years, butted heads in some areas but I wouldn't trade them for anything! I would seriously battle for and over them!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...

Being that we are 3 dimensional beings, it's amazing that people try to put you in a box according to what they think of you or have heard. I'm guilty as well, there are people that make me inwardly groan with disgust when I see or hear about them. We've been taught catch phrases and we sing songs about people, their thoughts and what they can do with them, but all of us would be lying to ourselves if we said the opinions of others don't matter.

The most frustrating thing in the world is being misunderstood! It boils my buns! A lot of times I hear the opinions of other (repeatedly sometimes) and I may smile or laugh at the moment, but inside my head I have imagined you getting hit by a bus or me kicking you in the face…. hard! Jet Li style!

So you're thinking, "what have people said about you"....

I'm stuck up...
I'm loud...
I'm ghetto...
I'm spoiled...
I'm a bitch...
I'm hood...
I'm fake…
I have too many friends...
I'm judgemental...
I'll never get married...
I'm broke...
I'm cute but (insert a shady back-handed compliment)...
I'm shady...
I know too much about others...
I'm rude...
My jokes are too crass...
Attention Seeking...
AND ON & ON

(Insert loud audible sigh and a chuckle) I quite possibly am some of those things but why do YOU feel the need to point them out? What is it about me, that makes you feel the need to belittle me or express your negativity.... are you bored or insecure? Quite possibly mad? (oooh... The shade is real! Lol!)

Listen, I am passionate and I do tend to go hard, revert back to 23rd & Chestnut and can get loud when I'm excited, lied on or mistreated! (Yes, I do have a horrible habit of popping my mouth.) Not saying it's right but, I am making a conscious effort to pause before I react! I'm only once removed from the projects!

I'm spoiled… yes, this is true but what you usually judge me on are tangible things with monetary value. The memories and joy I have from my parents, family and childhood supersede "THINGS" anyway. If it all went away tomorrow, I would still have my family/friends, my memories and be loved.

Laughter is good for the soul! With everything in life, make sure you can take in what you dish out. Also, don't be such a prude. Laughter, joking and pranks were apart of my upbringing and are still a major part of my life!

I never get dressed with the mentality of "Girl, you gon' kill 'em today Honey! Okkkkkayy!" I do put in an effort to look my best and I have a sparkling personality, (some times) but I won't tone down who I am to make you feel better!

I've made many connections with various people throughout my life. Who I chose to hang with is really none of your business. I have a core group of friends that mean the world to me, but occasionally I hang out with fellow alumni, past co-workers, childhood friends and so forth. If that makes me fake, so be it. It's shallow to think I should only talk to and spend time with a certain group of friends, ONLY! I don't belong to anyone on this earth but Bev and Sherm... to an extent and Jesus!

At the end of the day, I AM loving, sensitive, caring, fabulous, blessed (Thank you JESUS), protecting and can enunciate when need be. When you pigeon hole me, I simply lose respect for you. Not sure about something, ask me! If I'm not your cup of tea, please exit stage LEFT!!! EVERYONE IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY!

This isn't going to work… Deal Breakers!

When I talk about relationships/marriage and expectations, I think people believe I live in some fantasy land or my expectations are too high. In my opinion, maybe they are a bit jaded, too affected by societal views or have settled…. misery loves company, yanno?!

Any Hoo, here are my 5 deal breakers, I believe will cause me to believe "we" won't work out!

1. FAITH- I am a Christian. I believe that as a Christian, I can learn ways and be challenged by people who have different beliefs but at the end of the day if we don't share the same basic ideals about our faith then I don't believe we will work out. It extends further than us and involves our future household and children. Should our child be Muslim Monday through Friday and then shoveling pork down their gut on Sunday at the Church Anniversary picnic? Jewish on Saturday? Are you going to be on the couch on Sunday, while I'm in the house of the Lord? Along with faith comes your own commitment to the Lord, I can't make you have a relationship. You shouldn't fake one to get a chick in bed. I want to be able to pray with you and for you, knowing you do the same.

2. HONESTY- As I said in a previous Blog Why Are You Single, I need a man to be transparent. When you stammer, withhold or change your story… I'm probably already thinking of ways to tell you "This isn't going to work." The time you take to eventually tell me the truth and some malarkey about you trying to protect me or not knowing how to tell is wasted time. Telling the truth is not always easy, I get it but a lie always seems to take on a life of it's own and lies lead to trust issues.

3. FAMILY/FRIENDS- This person will have to have thick skin. PERIOD. My family members will test you but if you're the man that God designed for me, I don't think you'll have a problem. (bites lip) Same goes for my friends. I've learned instead of trying to interfere, I should allow them to grill you because they are going to do it anyways and only want the best for me. Along with this category comes understanding and acceptance. We as a family get together quite often and the same goes for my friends. We're loud! Our jokes are crude! A little bit of cussing! A lot of food and even more laughter! Also, I have a couple of guy friends I am extremely close to, you either gain four brothers in Ray, Dre, Jimmy and Jeff or this won't work. Also, if you try to keep me away from them or discourage us spending time together (family/friends), Byyyyyyeeee!!!!

4. SEX- My decision to not have sex until marriage is not a popular one but it's mine. I hadn't had sex since December 2011 and foolishly and briefly allowed someone from my past in, this past September. 19 months of abstinence down the drain, but a lesson learned. One is, God was preventing him from being in my life for a reason but I nudged that door open and allowed him to reappear. It's a great thing that God is, a God of second chances... so I'm back to the abstinence. 25 months total, even with that blunder! In my reading the bible and devotions, I have learned that "he" will have to have made his own promise/vow to God. I can't make him stop having sex on my account and put all of this pressure of expectation on him.

We'll visit this topic (sex/abstinence) again in depth…..

5. SMOKING- I can't handle it! No blacks! No cigarettes! No Marijuana! Nothing else. Oddly, I don't mind the occasional cigar but not around me! Smokers snore and have some unsettling funk lodged in their throat! Yuck

I think that's all!! There are some smaller things I want, but aren't deal breakers. Clean shaved! Smells amazing! Athletic! Driven! Educated! Willing to try new things! Can manage money! Versatile wardrobe…. but suits! (Yes Lord)