Seeing me NAKED

Being almost 30 and single I hear this question a lot, "So, why are you single?" and if I could take a sock and fill it with nickels..... I would smack the person asking the question but I would probably be facing quite a few assault charges. To say the least, I loathe that question. I'm not saying it's not a valid question but it's how some people ask that bothers me. I get the feeling that they really want to say "girl, what have you been doing to mess up and end up lonely! You're not getting any younger."

I tell my friends over and over and over and over and over.... I will know when I know. My gut, heart and mind will let me know when I've met someone that has great potential or is my "HIM" but I have to be totally honest that question about being single is a very valid one, so I will express why I think I am single.

If you've read other entries in my blog or know me personally you would know that I have endured a sexual assault. I don't use that as a shield to shut men out but as time has gone on it has posed some questions about sexuality and dating for me and made me think. We live in a society where sex sells, hell, sex is everywhere! It's apart of scandals in religion, movies, television, radio, school and anywhere else you can think of. The thing I don't get is if I decide to embrace everything that makes me a woman and exude confidence or sexiness I am being too flirty/mouthy/liberated, a slut or lacking virtue but if I dress like a nun and am as quiet as a church mouse, I am a prude. Don't be misconstrued by my example I am talking about more than just dressing and the body.

In my opinion, I won't always have this body. I'm not built like a Victoria Secret runway model. I could definitely do some toning but I can still put on a 2-piece and hold my own. So what's wrong with embracing fashion trends and wanting to dress in a manner that makes me feel sexy? Sexiness is not limited to just the body. As cliche as it sounds I am not my hair, shoes or clothes. And one day gravity will surely set in!

I believe I am single because guys approach me and say they think I'm beautiful/cute, I'm "rocking that dress" or they heard me joking with so-n-so and thought I was funny annnnnddddd..... that's fine but then what? We automatically should start sexting? Talking about sex? Having sex? And if I'm not automatically going there or letting you know that it's coming soon, you lose interest? (BLANK STARE)

What I have learned about myself is if I am not stimulated mentally, I'm turned off! PERIOD! Talking about your penis, does nothing for me. You were born with a Y chromosome, so you should have a penis. And, while you believe you should be known as the 8th wonder of the world, I've already checked out mentally and started thinking of better things to do. Being confident is great but I'm not a fan of cockiness. I just wonder where all of the true gentlemen are? Why can't people our age hold genuine conversations on the phone and in person? Why can't people truly go out and try to get to know one another? Why do you think it's appropriate to call at all hours of the night or want to invite yourself over?

I want someone who knows I have flaws, insecurities, I'm skeptical about so many things, I don't easily trust, I don't like bugs, I occasionally burp (hehehe), I love food, some days I don't feel like talking or being bothered, I can be moody (especially when I'm hungry), I'm über goofy, I love hard, I can be loud (who gone check me?) and a lot of other things but KNOW that I am worth it! I want someone that taps into my mind/soul and connects with me.

I can't put this solely on the opposite sex, I hear quite often and have blogged previously about my body language and how I understand that it could come off as a huge "F___ OFF! DON'T TALK TO ME!" and I am working on that. Contrary to popular belief, I am not holding my breath for some fairy tale to happen. I understand that as imperfect beings, I will never find someone that will give me 100% of everything I could want and desire from a mate and vice versa.

Soooo.... the moral to this blog is shut up! Stop asking about my ring finger and vagina/uterus! It's not your business. Concern is great but most express it dripping with judgement and pity! You can keep that! All things happen in their due time! Might be tomorrow and could be years from now and I am okay with that!