Why are you single?

Being 29 and single with no children, I often hear "Why are you single?" Whether it be an old classmate or teacher, friends of my parents, family members or guys that I'm out on a date with. In the past my answer was always "He hasn't presented himself. So I've just been doing me." Is it truthful, yes but it is also taking responsibility off of me and putting it on whomever my future guy may be. Started doing some soul searching and asking my friends what they think.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Your friends are like mirrors to a certain extent and this is why you should only have people around you who always have your best interest at heart, will always be honest with you but won't sugarcoat anything. This is what I was told:

• I will be my biggest obstacle in a relationship because I am used to being me, by myself and not worrying about anyone else's feelings, thoughts or time. 
• My mate will have to be 100% transparent or I will leave because I have a tendency to over think.
• I've been groomed for a husband, not just a "dude." I have substance. (He may be older) 
• Can't focus on what ifs, especially negative ones because he'll want what u want, God made him to compliment you and vice versa. 

First thought was how much older??? Old men give you worms, so I was told. LOL! 

Okay, all jokes aside I would have to say I agree. I have become accustomed to me, myself and I. If I don't want to be bothered I turn off my phone. If there's something I don't want to do, I stay in and chill. If I am out and people are on my nerves, I leave! (Shrug) Learning to incorporate someone in my world will be like moving a mountain. (Y'all pray for whoever he may be) 

I've been there and done that with the "Great girlfriend" routine of cooking, cleaning, making sure you're comfortable, staying sexy and yada yada. However, I have to realize I did those things for guys who did not deserve it. Playing "wifey" to a boyfriend, when my intuition told me to not to was my fault and not my future partner's issue. Giving my all to not see that in return is probably a huge reason why I have stayed single for so long. I also have an understanding that it's okay to remember the times that things did not pan out and how it made me feel. They were lessons that happened for a reason, but in no shape or form should they be baggage for the next person. I've also said before that things are usually black and white for me. Yes, I have the capability to step outside of myself and see things from other's perspectives, but when things don't feel right... I'm out. I'm sure that behavior is viewed as bad and non-communicative because it looks as if I'm running away, but God gave us intuition for a reason. I trust mine wholeheartedly but have to learn to not over think so much and be in the moment. 

The grooming part is definitely true. Some of my ways are definitely old school but in my opinion, the right way. My mom cooked breakfast every morning. We rarely had leftovers because she cooked almost everyday. Pray before every meal. I was taught to fix the men and the guest's plates before I fix my own. What happens in my bedroom, is no one else's business. Being appreciative, supportive.... I could go on and on. Don't misinterpret, my mom never specifically said "Do this, this, this and that to be a great wife." I just paid attention to their interactions over the course of my 29 years. They've been married for 38 years, so some of that must be valid! 

Hand in hand with the grooming are my expectations. I won't ever be a doormat, again for anyone. Nor will I be this amazing girlfriend and while you just want to lay up. Showing me you care and appreciate me is vital. Quality time is not just chilling on the couch. You have to do what you did to get me, to keep me! If you actually listen, I like a lot of things and want to try a lot of things. It's truly the small things that matter. As for the what ifs, it's only normal but why ponder about things that have not come to fruition. I need to allow things to happen and deal with them when the time comes. I clearly am not in charge of that aspect of my life so I can't do anything but learn to let go! 

So, I guess my answer to the afore mentioned question has definitely changed. I can now say "I, Keturah am single because I won't accept less than I'm worth. To date I haven't met anyone whom I have been greatly compatible with and or felt like I could trust myself (heart, mind, pain, faith, dreams and soul) with or anyone who has been willing to be truly transparent with me and I'm okay with that because I'd rather be truly happy than just saying I'm in a relationship but I won't lie a portion of me is scared to truly open up."