When I talk about relationships/marriage and expectations, I think people believe I live in some fantasy land or my expectations are too high. In my opinion, maybe they are a bit jaded, too affected by societal views or have settled…. misery loves company, yanno?!
Any Hoo, here are my 5 deal breakers, I believe will cause me to believe "we" won't work out!
1. FAITH- I am a Christian. I believe that as a Christian, I can learn ways and be challenged by people who have different beliefs but at the end of the day if we don't share the same basic ideals about our faith then I don't believe we will work out. It extends further than us and involves our future household and children. Should our child be Muslim Monday through Friday and then shoveling pork down their gut on Sunday at the Church Anniversary picnic? Jewish on Saturday? Are you going to be on the couch on Sunday, while I'm in the house of the Lord? Along with faith comes your own commitment to the Lord, I can't make you have a relationship. You shouldn't fake one to get a chick in bed. I want to be able to pray with you and for you, knowing you do the same.
2. HONESTY- As I said in a previous Blog Why Are You Single, I need a man to be transparent. When you stammer, withhold or change your story… I'm probably already thinking of ways to tell you "This isn't going to work." The time you take to eventually tell me the truth and some malarkey about you trying to protect me or not knowing how to tell is wasted time. Telling the truth is not always easy, I get it but a lie always seems to take on a life of it's own and lies lead to trust issues.
3. FAMILY/FRIENDS- This person will have to have thick skin. PERIOD. My family members will test you but if you're the man that God designed for me, I don't think you'll have a problem. (bites lip) Same goes for my friends. I've learned instead of trying to interfere, I should allow them to grill you because they are going to do it anyways and only want the best for me. Along with this category comes understanding and acceptance. We as a family get together quite often and the same goes for my friends. We're loud! Our jokes are crude! A little bit of cussing! A lot of food and even more laughter! Also, I have a couple of guy friends I am extremely close to, you either gain four brothers in Ray, Dre, Jimmy and Jeff or this won't work. Also, if you try to keep me away from them or discourage us spending time together (family/friends), Byyyyyyeeee!!!!
4. SEX- My decision to not have sex until marriage is not a popular one but it's mine. I hadn't had sex since December 2011 and foolishly and briefly allowed someone from my past in, this past September. 19 months of abstinence down the drain, but a lesson learned. One is, God was preventing him from being in my life for a reason but I nudged that door open and allowed him to reappear. It's a great thing that God is, a God of second chances... so I'm back to the abstinence. 25 months total, even with that blunder! In my reading the bible and devotions, I have learned that "he" will have to have made his own promise/vow to God. I can't make him stop having sex on my account and put all of this pressure of expectation on him.
We'll visit this topic (sex/abstinence) again in depth…..
5. SMOKING- I can't handle it! No blacks! No cigarettes! No Marijuana! Nothing else. Oddly, I don't mind the occasional cigar but not around me! Smokers snore and have some unsettling funk lodged in their throat! Yuck
I think that's all!! There are some smaller things I want, but aren't deal breakers. Clean shaved! Smells amazing! Athletic! Driven! Educated! Willing to try new things! Can manage money! Versatile wardrobe…. but suits! (Yes Lord)
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