Mean Girl Syndrome

As some of you know, I attended and graduated from the University of Kentucky and this weekend was HOMECOMING!!!!! To say I had fun was an understatement but enlightening as well, which is hard to fathom with copious amounts of liquor paired with the absolute minimal amounts of sleep that were incorporated but I learned quite a bit.

I often hear people say "smile" when they see me. I consciously am not trying to scowl, frown or look indifferent but just have so much on my mind. At any given moment I could be thinking about make up, my nieces and nephews, shoes, religion, family, nail polish, traveling, birth, funny moments from the past, my future and so much more. I promise I don't mean to come off as a "bitch" and intimidate anyone, truly not my intentions at all.

<most see this 

                   instead of this >

To know me is to know for the most part I am goofy, outlandish, very skeptical and outspoken but if you don't get past the initial "Hi, I'm Keturah. People call me Tu. Nice to meet you. Yada, yada, yada," you wouldn't exactly know that. A friend suggested that I have a great demeanor and personality but my body language suggest that I don't want to be bothered, don't speak to me or stay away. <--- ouch, no one has ever put it that way.

Fast Forward a couple of hours later and I show up for my cousin's birthday party. Upon arriving I know everyone but 2 people. Those 2 people remain quiet, while I address everyone else and immediately begin joking with everyone. As we sit down for dinner, I tell my friends about the body language and they immediately all agree. <--- ouch again but sometimes the truth hurts. The guy across from me tells me he was a little nervous to speak to me. My attitude when I walked in read "I'm the shit and I know it, don't bother me." <--- Geesh, salt in the wound!

I can't pinpoint when exactly I started to give off that type of attitude. I do know that around people I do not know and walking into situations that feel unknown, I become shy. I have relayed that to people and they all crack up laughing like I said something funny. (BLANK STARE) I think somewhere along the lines, my being confident crossed the lines of coming off as a mean girl. I won't sit here and bs y'all though, I certainly do have a mean streak. It takes A LOT to take me there and verbally slice you to shreds but I'm not always exhibiting that part of me (well at least I didn't think I was).

Contrary to popular beliefs, I do get shy people and sometimes I feel like being quiet. I'm not always on 10 and I'm not your personal entertainment. If I could punch people every time they said "do blah blah blah. Impersonate so-n-so. Do that dance" I would.

Never too old to grow and learn.....

So, I guess I will try to live more in the present instead of allowing my thoughts to catapult me into the future what ifs and be more friendly and open. Don't misinterpret, SHE (yes, the third person) is still fabulous, smart aleck, animated and hilarious but if I'm not open and cordial upon first meeting people how will they know.