I'll take life for 300, Alex!!

I'm open to trying new things.. scuba diving, skydiving, snorkeling, parasailing, streaking (well, that's not exactly new just haven't done it in a while). However, I just cannot fathom internet dating. To me the options are like choosing life or death.

I know you're reading this and laughing like, "Keturah, you are so dramatic," and I hear you but listen do y'all remember the Craiglist Killer??? I do. Clearly people who have been dating, friends with, married to and so forth for years are being blatantly lied to everyday. So what do you think some creep behind a computer is concocting? 

People who have been in long-term relationships are being emotionally and physically ripped to shred EVERYDAY. Just so we are clear EVERYDAY includes MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY and SATURDAY!!!! People announcing that they are gay after 20 years of marriage and 5 kids. People deciding they want something new and exciting, faking their death and those that are sick of "YOU" and chop you up into pieces and dispose of the body, or put arsenic in your food or set the house on fire with you in it.... As you can see, I could go on for days!!!!

Again, you are sarcastically reading this swearing that I am letting my imagination go wild but refer to Snapped, I survived, Law & Order (ALL OF THE VARIOUS SPIN-OFFS), CSI and all of the news specials that come on E True Hollywood, 20/20, dateline and so forth. Are you still laughing and thinking I'm being over the top? Where do you think they got these stories from? Nobody's imagination is that great... they are based on true stories. 

I said all of that to say this, I can't sit behind a computer and try to find love like it's a full-time job. Trying to manage a profile, sifting through images, likes and whatever else you have to do. Nor am I about to have my mother yelling and crying in the graveyard like Mylin when Sheby died because I got intertwined with the modern day Jack the Ripper, donkey punched in the back of the head and drug to my end. Nope!

 

On top of that some of these sites want you to pay. (Blink Blink) TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY AMERICAN DOLLARS a year to find love? Do you know what I can do with $250? I'll tell you!

• Get a pedicure
• Throw an old school style party
• Tithe
• Buy shoes
• Get more shoes
• Did I say shoes?
• Clothes
• Accessories
• Do a project off of Pinterest
• Take my brother's and friend's kids somewhere
• Take a small getaway
• Food and LOTS of it

But $250 for dating... NAW! In fact HELL TO THE NAW!

 

To each his own, y'all can have that! In my best Jeopardy contestant voice, "I'll take LIFE for $300, Alex."