Another boring Friday

I've kind of kept to myself all week. Nothing personal towards anyone in particular just thinking about where I am and where I want to be. How I've changed for the better and for the worse. I'm sure some people are speculating or being insecure as to why I've been rather quiet and quite frankly, I can't worry about them. It's amazing that people act as if I should always be on 10 and get nervous when I'm quiet.

I did however have 2 great conversations with 2 people that mean a lot to me and they posed some questions and offered some comments that tap danced on my nerves a little but no friendship worth having is ever all agreements and sunshine. So, I'm thankful that they were honest and truly see me for who I am and not who they want me to be or think I am.

First is, is it a true reflection of me, what I allow those around me to do/say. Granted I cannot control them, but I can make a conscious decision to not be around it. Equal yoke does not only apply to marriage, it applies to friendships. Have I allowed myself to be a punching bag for others and have I taken the steps to properly heal from things in the past?

Hmmmmm.......

I do feel myself evolving, so no I don't want to drink like I did in college. Shots make me gag now! No, I don't want to be in the club or out all late like I'm still 21. Yes, I've been trying to cuss less. No, I don't smoke anything. Sunday is not just a day of relaxation but a day of worship and family time.

But it seems like others around me, only want to do certain things. I'm not knocking them or saying that what they want to do is beneath me because there are def times, I wanna go out and let my hair down.  

I know for certain, I want my husband to be my best friend. The person who compliments me and vice versa. The person who prays for and with me. Looking back, I'm in awe at how "friends" have presented me to others or have continued to speak on and about things I have asked them not to because they are embarrassing and or disrespectful. I'm alone for a reason and not lonely. Just because 2 people are single does not mean they are compatible. (PLEASE DIGEST AND REMEMBER MY LAST SENTENCE) I don't have sex because I choose not to. Although, I am not a virgin, I want the next time I open myself up to someone in that manner, to be the LAST first time. Crazy how my lack of sexuality is a concern for those who are not attached to my sexual organs.

I said all of that to say this, as each day passes, I'm changing and I'm not sure everyone who is present now can stay on my journey. I love my friends, but reason, season and lifetime applies to everyone. What category you fall in depends on you.

God truly is teaching me patience and even at almost 30, I'm learning things can change when you least expect it. I pray that when the time is right, God lets me meet the person, who makes me laugh when I wanna cry. Offers to protect me, worships with me and doesn't want me to lose me to become "we," someone I can trust and respect and I will offer the same qualities and more to him. There's so much I wanna do and doing it as a group or as a "girl's trip" is beyond old. So I'll save those ideas for my him. 

Until then I'll be on the couch, eating ice cream, listening to slow jams and daydreaming