Day 3 of 30: If you could wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish for?

A DAY LATE.... I WAS BUSY YESTERDAY!

I instantly knew what I wanted but I knew saying it could probably result in some backlash. I decided from the beginning that doing this would mean I would have to be raw and vulnerable. So here goes....

If there was ever some aspect of my growing up I could change, it would be having the type of grandparents I saw everyone else have or to have my Godparents live longer. (stay with me, that's not my actual wish)

Seeing others getting picked up by their grandparents and spending the nights at their house or cooking/baking with them and the passing of stories, ideals, colloquials and so much more is an area I just feel slighted on and it's probably fair that I explain why.

My paternal grandfather simply wasn't a part of my life. Of course, I asked questions and met him once, but I truly felt no love lost because I didn't know him. It wasn't until I started to build a relationship with my cousin (my father's niece from one of his half-brothers) that I learned how close he was to some of his grandchildren and to be honest I still struggle with it a bit. It hurts to know he chose to be there for some of us and not all! Time heals all wounds though.....

My maternal grandfather was a very (taps finger to chin) uh.... "special" man, lol. To know him is know he wanted things done his way and was very vocal when they weren't. Not really sure being a father was something he truly wanted to be, but he beamed about my brother and I. As he neared the latter part if his life, his thoughts/words and actions became very erratic, but I chalk it up to his dementia. I know that he loved me, but a part of me hurts to know he wasn't the father he could have been and how it hurt(s) my mom.

My maternal grandmother is loved by many and as crazy as it sounds, I have no connection to her at all.  I've seen and heard the ways my mother felt upset with her about how she grew up and my earliest memories of her revolve around me being sick and her and my grandfather have a shouting match. My father asking them to leave and them continuing to argue outside. (oil and water) My brother and cousins have different feelings and memories. I'm not mad at her, nor am I harboring ill will. I just see  the pain etched in my mother's face when she's shared things with me and I guess you can say, I've chose sides in a non-existing war.

My Godmother and Godfather, were amazing.... No other way to put it. The memories flood and overwhelm me when I think of them. She helped my mother find my name. The butter mints in that tin can with the colors separated by colors he would give me. The fireplace in their house. Learning to skate in their kitchen while she cooked. Arguing with their grandson, Derek about who's night it was to spend the night and who they loved more. (He was much older and just picking with me, miss him as well) Helping her get Geno ready when she would keep him and listening to her tell him he wasn't any different than anyone else because of his physical handicap. And I could keep going but the tears are flowing, happy ones though.

My paternal grandmother died before I was born, but I've heard so much about her and as shocking as this may sound, I feel that had she lived I would have been so close to her.

So my wish would be to bring back my Godparents and to have allowed me to meet my grandmother. Everything happens for a reason, so I'll be okay knowing God's plan has no error.